GEORGE FULLER By
You cannot win, my
friend, no matter
what. In this
regard, golf reflects
life, in which you
Ladies, I’m going to have to ask you to stop reading here. the following information reveals certain trade
secrets of the male species, as well as some observa-
tions and advice for his eyes only. thank you.
gentlemen, here are a few things I’ve discovered
about couples golf. first, if you do want your spouse or
significant other to join you on the golf course, definitely
don’t invite her. at least that’s the way it worked in my
household. My wife Landry was one of those people who
thought golf was just about the silliest thing a person
could do in life…until she met me. then her thinking
changed. all of a sudden golf was not just silly, but it
became her competition for my weekends. So she took
up the game.
for my part, I didn’t invite, push, pull, woo or rebuff.
I just went along merrily doing what I always did, which
is play once or twice a week. I never said, “C’mon honey,
pretty please come with me.” Nor did I say, “You know
what, women are not all that welcome at the golf course
anyway,” (which would surely have raised her redheaded
dander!). No, every friday I just mentioned casually that
I had a Sunday morning tee time, bright and early. that
really got to her. Soon she started suggesting that she
was free then too.
on the other hand, if you really doN’t want your
spouse to play, make a point of begging her to do so. a
little reverse psychology always helps in a relationship,
right? If it turns out that you are in fact as lucky as I am,
and your better half does take up the game—love you,
hon!—there are a few other things to remember.
for example, never give her instruction of any kind.
this is a surefire recipe for disaster. I tried, but with
my sweet and understanding Landry—love you hon!—
this was akin to using logic to win an argument…it just
doesn’t work. I valiantly suggested for several years that
maybe she should aim farther left, as she would consistently hit her tee shot into the right rough or behind the
trees over there.
"Trust me Hon, its downhill, it breaks right, but could come back left"
“No, I always hit it straight,” she’d insist.
So one day I charted her tee shots: right, right, right,
right, right…you get the picture.
but that didn’t make Me right.
“Now I’m hitting right because you’re watching,”
she said. You put the thought in my mind. what do you
Uh, um, uh—love you, hon!
as soon as she was told by a noted instructor,
however, that her tendency was to aim right when she
set up, she immediately accepted the information and
corrected the problem.
which brings me to another point: Never say, “but
sweetums, haven’t I’ve been telling you that exact same
thing for the last five years?” that, my friend, is a direct
challenge to a redhead, and probably any other head you
might be in a relationship with.
Now when we play, she’ll set up for her shot, look at
me for an approval of her alignment, and if she still hits
it to the right, the blame is on me. “what happened?”
she’ll ask, perturbed. “I thought you said I was lined up
which brings me to point number whatever: You
cannot win, my friend, no matter what. In this regard,
golf reflects life, in which you are swimming upstream
when disagreeing with your mate.
In the grand scheme of things, I figure Landry and
I are pretty fortunate. once I learned my role and my
lines, things started going very smoothly for us. besides,
we only play together a couple times per month.
which brings me to my final piece of advice: No
matter how nuts you are about the game, your spouse,
girlfriend or other mate (your dog excluded) is not likely
to share your gusto. therefore: put your local florist on
whatever happens out there on the links, it’s just
not worth arguing over. and if you do run afoul of your
significant other, order flowers and remember three
little words that always make everything better: “Love